It was supposed to be a routine mission
A one man operation that would only take an evening
Then I report back to the rendezvous point with the boys and have a few cold ones
But something went wrong
Next thing I know a fever falls over me while I'm in that jungle and I'm trapped
When I came to that cup of chicken noodle soup was just sitting there staring at me
It taunted me, an angry tiger pacing in front of me with vegetables and pasta dripping from it's jaws
And I was in a bamboo cage with it
There was no use entertaining the thought of escaping, for it would take much more effort to fight what was outside of this cell than to wage battle with the rabid animal inside
So I sat up and grabbed it with my two bare hands and fought it down my throat, each mouthful taking swipes in my gut and trying to crawl back up
I could only wrestle with it for so long before I had to retreat back to my corner and lay down
Let the beast settle in my stomach, for its roar was threatening to find its way back out
Then the orange juice slithered into my peripheral vision
Oh God, the orange juice
This technicolor cobra that snuck into my corner while I was resting
Oh, you slippery mother fucker, don't tell me I have to deal with you too
And I could hear foreign tongues screaming wagers around me while I was drenched in sweat with a washrag that weighed down on my forehead like a blood stained bandanna
And they raddled the bars and reminded me it was coming
They screamed for me to end them or it was coming
And I knew it, but I didn't even want to look at those creatures
My stomach turned over when I just thought about finishing them
I couldn't do it......just needed rest..........just needed sleep
Then all the voices fell silent, and there was a shuffle of feet as the crowd opened up and fell down on their knees
And the cobra and the tiger gathered next to the wall where the ground was displayed and a figure cloaked in a terry cloth robe walked down the path to my cage
A voice came from under the curlers and the bifocals and said "you didn't eat your soup"
And I said "Nooooo"
And the voice said "you didn't drink your liquids"
And I said "Nooooo"
And the voice said "are you cold, do you need another blanket"
And I said "mom, please, I feel like hell, can you just let me sleep?"
And she said "You're not going to feel any better unless you get vitamins."
And I said "Well the vitamins don't help if I can't keep them down."
And she said "Do you want to watch something else on TV, how about something educational like the Discovery channel?"
And I said "please, mother, I just want to discover what happens when I close my eyes"
I crawled out of there on Sunday afternoon, well fed and emasculated
I like to think I just forgot what dignity is.........rather than losing it