Sunday, November 18, 2007

My Intentions

I just want to say that its a pleasure to meet you Ms. Grey,

I'd like to take a few precious moments of your time if you'll allow me to be so cordial as to explain my intentions with your daughter
Now we both know that she is a radiant display of beauty both physical and mental, fit to be perched atop a throne and worshipped by people of her own civilization
And we both know that she's so kind hearted that even kings of neighboring lands would travel bare foot from thousands of miles away to stand in line just to tickle her back
But I'd like to think that the people of her own land would be so passionate about their queen that they'd fight to the death with the outsiders, using those very same farming tools which are essential in growing that disgusting bread she eats without flour
Because laying just one finger on her pristine body would be the equivalent of marring a beautiful French painting that was made by someone fancy and shit
Now I don't know what kind of books you were reading this vibrant spark of life when she was little but her grasp on performance and prose are reaching epic proportions
You've seen those fantasy paintings with the scantily clad vixens mounted on a cougar while they hold their sword up high in the air as lightning strikes it on top of a mountain
That's her
She is a barbarian woman welding her tongue like Excalibur, slashing through lesser foes like tiny sissy paper mache dolls while she torches entire villages with each word she casts from her lips cause she's a fucking witch
And the spell that she inadvertently enchanted my heart with has started to consume my entire being, which is why I had to come before you and tell you that I want to fuck the holy hell out of her
I suppose I should apologize profusely, but I want to ransack her body like an LA rioter in 1992, flipping cars with my ridged member leaving only a wake of carnage and destruction on my way to her pad locked liquor store
And liquor is just the start to what I have waiting for her
Because what she doesn't realize is that I'm mother fucking Conan, that's right Schenegger in all his glory, arms like tree trunks, and abs like Jesus
And when some huge ass serpent in some dungeon that she's exploring comes tearing through a wall to attack her, I'm going to jump out from the shadows and choke that bitch with my bare hands
Then while I'm standing there in front of her in all my testosterone filled glory, I'll unsheathe my sword and cast a shadow over her civilization that will last for millenias to come
And millenias won't be the only things will continue to come
I'm sorry, whats that?
Oh, yeah, hi my name is Dwayne
Wow, yeah, I suppose that was a bit too much information
But I wasn't lying I would put sores on her from fucking so much

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