Tension

I can feel it brooding under my skin
It's tension
And I can't put my finger on exactly what it is, whether it's a primal sexual thing or some kind of unbridled animosity sitting on our chests
And even if I figured out exactly what it is I can never really tell if its the same thing that you're feeling
Its like we're both holding guns under the table, or hiding knives behind our backs when we use one arm to side hug when we say hello or good bye
And the words between those two occurrences are few and far between, even in them neither of us say what we really mean
Its lip service
But for what?
Every meeting that we arrange just makes further clear that one day we're either going to blow up or shut down on each other
I can't tell if this is just granting a courtesy or if you're actually helping me try to fight through this fog of frustration that has encapsulated any enjoyable moment we used to have
But there's something you need to know before we get to the point where we say things neither of us can take back
I miss you
But don't misunderstand what I'm saying
I'm not saying that I miss your kiss, or your touch, or the evenings that stumbled into your bed after I drank too much
I'm saying I miss YOU
The intelligent girl I could talk to, the girl that randomly wanted crab puffs, or felt compelled to walk down the street to the convenience store to get a mixture of Icee's at midnight
The girl that listened to me play guitar while she studied on her bed, the one that I felt comfortable inviting to events where I wanted to have a female for company instead
In comparison of our personalities its amazing that we even managed to get along, but somehow we did
And words got mangled and tangled in safety nets that you installed in hopes that you could soften the blow if I should happen to fall
Well I did and I'm done debating on whether or not you pushed me at all
Now you said what you needed to say I've had time to process the truth, lick my wounds, and scream it off of the tops of roofs, venting words that hurt but I was never aiming at you
I had just been holding a weapon that I needed to shoot
And if you took one in the chest then I'm apologizing and offering my bandages to you
They're a little used but I don't need them anymore